Pre-season Musings

I wrote this a couple weeks ago, and I'm too lazy to rewrite it, so keep in mind that things have happened in the college football world since it's inception, i.e. about 400 guys got thrown out of school, suspended, jailed, kidnapped, had their knees explode, fingers fall off, whatever.


Yeah Baaaaaabbbbyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Within 30 days we'll be kicking off another college football season. I'm not going to bore everyone with some sappy story about my "passion" for college football (Good Lord, do I hate that word,,,the most overused word of the hack media). Let's just say there are a ton of things to like about college football, and we should all be glad that it's on the horizon.

Some of the things that I'll be looking forward to:

1. My alma mater will at least be fielding a mildly competitive team this year. As a matter of fact, the Illini probably broke some kind of record for the worst possible overall results (2-10) for a team that outgained their opponents on the year last year. This year, they return virtually everyone and add some highly touted recruits. However, theese are still the same goofs who couldn't figure out how to win last year, and their schedule is really tough. Hopefully, they'll make some noise, but I'm not holding my breath.

2. The SEC will be really interesting for a couple of reasons. First, the return of Nick Saban(more on that later) and secondly, the OBC is entering his third season at South Carolina(more on that as well).

3. The Big Ten will be much improved. Although I think that Michigan is going to run the table, it isn't going to be 2 very good teams, 1 unbelievably charmed team(Wisconsin) and a bunch of chumps. Everyone in the league(besides Minnesota) should be as good or better than they were last year. I'm not saying the records will be better, but I think the quality of the games will.

4. They got rid of the ridiculous "start the clock when the ball is set at the change of possession" rule.

I will not be looking forward to:

1. The Big Ten network. Luckily, I have Directv, so I will get it, but a lot of cable subscribers won't. We also will have to put up with the laughably deficient Thom Brennamen as the lead pbp announcer. He proved several things during his stint as the pbp guy in Fox's horrifically brutal lead team during their BCS coverage, all of them bad. Among them: He doesn't know jack squat about college football. Nothing about strategy, nothing about personnel, nothing about traditions, and nothing about how to decipher facts. He also assumes that the viewer is similarly devoid of any sense, which is obviously a mistake. He also is very opinionated. This isn't a generally a bad thing if you are an analyst, but it's annoying as hell if you're the know-nothing play by play guy. It's also bad if your opinions are kne jerk and illogical, like his rant about the need for a playoff was during the MNC game last year. Seriously, do we need yet another dumbass talking head screaming at us that a playoff is needed. 500,000 hours of it in every single media discussion about the sport isn't enough? Now we have to listen to this dork every week? Not looking forward to it. Hopefully, I won't have to rant about him every week.

2. Weekly conversation about whether or not Hawaii deserves to be in the BCS. There is almost no doubt that they will go undefeated, since nobody will make the trek to the island to get their clocks cleaned anymore. Almost all of their tough games are at home. San Jose St is their toughest road game, and the BCS school they play is Washington on Dec 1, and they'll probably be a sorry outfit by then, having had their dreams of competance crushed by a tough Pac 10 schedule.

3. Heisman chatter. Seriously, who gives a shit? Jason White won the thing 3 years ago. Eric Crouch won it. Chatter about how a certain game might effect the Heisman race makes me want to vomit. (For the record, Pat White is my pick.)

Teams I like:

Generally, I think these teams are going to be good, or will have a great shot of having a nice year ATS. I'll spare you my gushing over the virtues of USC's defense and other tales of the painfully obvious.

1. BAMA: In our politically correct world, there are several ethnic or culural groups that it is absolutely taboo to make fun of. We all know who these groups are, so i won't even go into it. However, there remains one "ethnic" group that it is and always will be open season to make fun of: Our friends, the rednecks of the American South. It's also become trendy for the electronic and print media to bash message board fanatics, a lot of times with good reason. One fan base that took it on the chin this past year were the Tide faithful., What an easy target, collectively, right? Rednecks who are obsessed with their team to the point of creepiness. Lots of negative press for this fanbase, and in turn, for the program when the whole Nick Saban fiasco happened. It led to a couple cutesy media pieces about the always media friendly Tommy Tuberville at Auburn, just sitting back and admiring the circus over in Tuscaloosa. He also was ready to drop some cute quotes like"We still play football over here too..have been for 5 years", another incessant reference to Auburn's 5 straight wins over Bama. The guy continues to act like a 4th grader. Maybe he'll run to the principal's office after Saban cornholes him in his own stadium in November.

Bama is coming off a season in which they were breaking in a new QB, and their SEC road games were at LSU, Florida, Tennessee and Arkansas. Thay had UT beat, only to give up a late TD to lose in the final minute, lead LSU at the half, lost on a missed XP in OT to Arkansas, and were leading late at Florida, only to see a late TD and a defensive TD seal it late. This year they return almost everyone, including arguably the best WR corps in the SEC. The schedule is much easier, and they have a proven winner at the helm in Saban. I like their chances.

2. IOWA: Every year, there seems to be a team that just can't get things rolling, for whatever reason. That happened to Iowa last year, resulting in a record of 1-11 ATS(until the bowl game of course.) They were killed with injuries, and it became apparent that Drew Tate is not the guy you want at QB when the chips are down. This year, everyone is back on D, and most of the skill guys are back besides Tate. Their new QB Christiansen was a stud recruit out of Lockport, so he has potential. They also avoid Michigan and Ohio St in the Big Ten, and are coming off a (-10) in turnover margin from last year, and those numbers tend to turn around.year to year. If Christiansen is a plus at QB, they have a great shot at double digit wins, and i think they'll be great ATS, since teams seldom bomb ATS two years in a row.

3. Western Michigan: I seldom get worked up about MAC teams, but these guys have a great shot of being extremely good. 2 years ago, they played a true freshman QB named Tim Hiller who lit up the MAC to the tune of 22 TDs and 3 INTS before getting hurt . He missed all of last year. WMU did ok in his absence, but their offense let down their defense at times, and they ended up short of the MAC crown. This year, assuming the WMU coach doesn't have his head shoved up his ass, Hiller will be starting with an experienced OL in front of them. Throw in the fact that the D picked off 24 balls last year and returns all 8 of 11 starters including all 4 in the secondary, and you've got a balanced team.

4. South Carolina: The OBC is in his third year at South Carolina. Most of the time, a good coach can count on having his best year in year 3, assuming he knows what the hell he's doing. (OBC:yes, Orgeron, Sly Croom, no) He'll have a senior QB and 2 very tough runners in the backfield to team with a D that has 10 starters back. Actually, Spurrier has so many new recruits and guys returning from injury that a lot of the returning guys won't even win starting jobs. Lastly, we all know Spurrier throws around compliments like manhole covers. Generally, he morphs into Lou Holtz and belittles his teams. However, this year, even Spurrier is admitting that his defense will be very good. If it wasn't for Sidney Rice leaving early, I'd consider this a top 10 team. Their schedule is tough, though.

5. NC State: The addition of Tom O'Brien here is of extreme importance. He knows what he's doing, and he left a nice situation at BC(made by him) to come to Raleigh. He inherits what is probably more talent than he's had at BC, and he's been able to churn out bowl appearances like clockwork up there. The strength of his teams been the running games, and wouldn't you know it, he has 2 All ACC caliber RBs in Andre Brown and Toney Baker. I've seen some puiblications rank NC St in the 60-65 range nationally. They'll be much better than that. The days of the lack of discipline under Squeaky Amato are a thing of the past, So are, sadly, the no brainer fades on this team as a favorite of any kind. I hate coaching changes for that reason.

6. Michigan: Even a non-sensical, logic deficient bonehead like Lloyd Car won't be able to bungle such a marvelous oppotunity that Michigan has this year. The only game that they might not be favored in all year is at Wisconsin, and I have suspiscions that the Badgers might have lived a charmed life last year. The rest of their tough games are at home. They SHOULD run the table. Henne and Hart are 4th year starters, Mannngham and Arrington are top notch receivers and they will again have a stout D. My guess is they run the table and then get blistered in the MNC game by USC or some other jackrabbit team.

7. South Florida: No real holes on this team. Good defense, good coach, very good QB in Grothe. DCs definitely have to game plan for him, and their running game should be good as well. People forget that this team went into Morgantown and beat WVU in an absolute must win for the "Eers. Most of their guys are back on both sides of the ball. They also get Louisville and WVU at home this year, and they are very tough in the big pirate ship.

Others: Vandy will have their best team since Bobby Johnson has been there. They should be able to hang in most of the SEC games. Memphis is going to be a bargain early. Tons of injuries last year forced then to play a lot of young guys, who are now back. They have a capable QB, decent skill guys and a defense that got much better as the year moved on last year....Ga Tech has a non Reggie Ball Qb and good skill returning despite the loss of Cal Johnson. Their QB Bennett looked very good in the bowl game against West Virginia last year....I also don't think Texas is getting proper respect. All their skill guys are back, If Colt McCoy is healthy, they should be prolific on offense.


The Sucky Sucks:

1. Auburn: I hate this team with a bloodthristy passion. Well, I guess I dislike their coach more than the team, but you get the picture. Tommy Tuberville is such a classless penis. I know I've covered this, but who carries themselves with such arrogance at the end of a season in which his team twice was castrated on it's home field? Arkansas turned his team into a blubbering pile of goo, and Georgia, having lost 4 of 5 and any semblance of confidence, walzed into Jordan-Hare and held Auburn to a grand total of 170 yards. In fact, this team last season was held under 200 total yards 5 times. They were outgained 6 times.. Their opponents converted the same amount of first downs on the season as they did(219), and their schedule included Arky St, Tulane and Buffalo, not to mention the SEC JV (the Ole Miss and Mississippi St). This year, the lose their best offensive player(Irons), their best WR, and have to replace 4 of 5 starters on the O line. Their best player coming back on offense will probably be QB Brandon Cox, who failed to top 200 passing yards in all but 4 of their games last year. Despite all this, I;ve seen them ranked in the top 15 in some publications. They'll be lucky to finish higher than 4th in the SEC West, much less be anywhere near a top 15 team.

2. Notre Dame: Don't even get me started on that lard-ass over there. This arrogant, gargantuan jackass walks around as if he has reinvented the game of football. Can someone explain to me what this guy has accomplished in South Bend other than figuring out how to hide 7 cheeseburgers in his goiter? His claim to fame is that he almost beat USC in a year that they didn't even win the National Title. Even last year, when they had the likes of Quinn, Samardzjia and Walker, they struggled against the good teams on their schedule. They will have to break in new guys at all the skill positions, including QB, and it will be behind a line replacing 3 of 5 starters..Is Charlie planning on thinking the ball down the field? Their defense, atrocious last year, doesn't look any better this year. Chances are, when their bye rolls around on October 27, they'll be 3-5.

3. Florida: Not that they are going to be bad, but just about every publication out there has them in the top 5 or 6. I like Urban Meyer, but if he thinks can navigate the SEC and win the east while replacing 9 of 11 starters on D as well as most of the passing game, he needs to put down the crackpipe his players were using in the locker room before the MNC game last year.

4. Iowa St: Ok, this team was bad last year, despite some pretty decent offensive talent, so tabbling them as a bad team this year isn't a stretch. They still have Bret Meyer, who will be a senior QB, which is never a bad thing to have, but if that guy gets hurt, or becomes disinterested, look out. There will be some medievil style bloodletting. Consider this: Last year Iowa St's D gave up 72% pass completions, last in D-1. They also had a 26/6 TD/INT ratio agaist them. Their new coach is Gene Chizik, who presided over a Texas defense that surrendered 258 yards passing per game and a 21/13 TD/INT ratio with the Jim Thorpe award winner(Aaron Ross) and another first round draft choice(Michael Griffin) in the secondary. I'm guessing teams might be able to move it through the air a bit on the Cyclones this year. If i'm an ISU fan, I think I'll skip the Oct 6 tilt with Texas Tech.

5/6. Ole Miss/Mississippi St: These two teams are a couple of sorry outfits with a couple of meatheads for coaches. Bad combination.

7 Minnesota: Ok, let's think about this. Knowing what we know about college football, and young people in general, it's probably never going to be easy for Minnesota to lure top level recruits away from the big boys to spend their winters with a bunch of fat chicks in below zero temperatures. That said, expecting Minny to compete for the top of the Big Ten every year isn't reasonable. About the best thing you can hope for is a competitive team every year that might occasionally catch lightning in a bottle. That's exactly what you had with Glenn Mason at the helm, thanks to a remarkably consistent running game. But that wasn't good enough, so they fired him, brought in an enthusiastic cheerleader type(Ed Orgeron clone) who talks a good game. New HC Brewster(an Illini alum) brought in the OC from the Randy Walker NW teams, who runs a spread passing attack. Of course, they have no personnel for this, and are breaking in a new starting QB. Generally the combination of a new coaching staff, new system and new QB leads to major headaches. Meet Indiana's new dance partner in the Big Ten basement.

8 North Carolina: A lot of people are going to assume that UNC will turn things around quickly because Butch Davis is now at the helm. That is not happening this year. They are going to suck bad. Their offense, if possible will be even worse than last year's, which is saying something. Davis is probably going to play a ton of true freshmen, since there are only 9 starters returning total. That normally means blowout city for most of the seaon, with the program chalking this year up as a "take our lumps" season with an eye to the future.

9. LSU: It probably won't matter, since their nose tackles are faster than most teams deep threat WRs, but I think there is some cause for concern here nonetheless. First off, Les Miles' personal ventriliquist/OC Jimbo Fisher left LSU to be Bobby Bowden's personal ventriliquist at Florida St. Offensively, this means that Les Miles has a greater impact on everything, which can't be good. The replacement is Gary Crowton, who, given time, completely ran BYU aground as head coach while at the same time developing a penchant for going into the fetal position in tense situations.(Never a good thing when you have to cover for an imbecillic head coach). He then moved on to Oregon as OC, and their offense systematically imploded as the year went on last year. Throw in the fact that new QB Matt Flynn will have to learn a new offense while atthe same time acclimating himself to a new set of WRs, and I think decent defenses will give them major trouble.


Some random thoughts:

Marshall's starting RB's name is Chubb Small.

When Al Groh is a dog, back him at home (12-3), but fade him on the road (6-18).

USC's record as an underdog since 2002 is 0-0.

Lloyd Carr is a douchbag.

Well that's it. Within the next couple weeks I'll have week 1 finsihed. I still have to reload on a couple sites...we'll see if the bloodthirsty savage government will let me....